This month’s Greater Fort Wayne Business Weekly column: A social-media Christmas

In the spirit of my holidays, I’ve put together a wish list for my latest Greater Fort Wayne Business Weekly column. What gifts would you give to social media sites and users this year?

A social-media Christmas

Here are some virtual gifts I’m looking to give — and receive — this year:

‘Twas the Black Friday before Christmas
And all ‘round the Net
Everyone began thinking
‘Bout gifts yet to get.

For our moms and our dads
Our kids and our friends
Our neighbors, the postman —
Well, the list never ends.

But as someone who thinks
‘Bout social media all year
I also began wond’ring
How to spread even more cheer

To social media sites and celebs
To naysayers and users
The apologists and experts
And debunkers/refusers.

So for you to consider
I now humbly propose
A holiday wish list
For SM’s friends and its foes.

So bake up some cookies
And dig up your coal
‘Cause here’s what I’d bring
From my virtual North Pole.

For Facebook: a stocking full of humility so it can see that instead of killing e-mail, Google or the individual’s right to privacy, it just helps people kill time.

For Farmville users: a hobby that doesn’t involve virtual livestock.

For Farmville users’ non-Farmville playing friends: a strain of imaginary mad cow disease they can release into their news feed anytime they’d like.

For Mark Zuckerberg: a movie in which he’s played by Justin Timberlake instead of Jesse Eisenberg.

For LinkedIn: a movie like “The Social Network” that captures all its drama and intrigue (starring Ben Stein, Silent Bob and the teacher from “Peanuts”).

For Google: a social media product that actually works.

For Google Buzz and Wave users: an admission by Google that we don’t need another social network, giving them one less thing to worry about.

For MySpace: a time machine to travel back to 2005.

For MySpace users: a Facebook account.

For Classmates users: a MySpace account.

For Chatroulette users: a blindfold.

For self-proclaimed social media “ninjas,” “gurus,” “rock stars,” etc.: a reality check made out to “Get Over Yourself.”

For companies letting an intern run their social media strategies: a social media strategist.

For interns running their company’s social media strategies: the opportunity to prove me wrong.

For social media skeptics: a conversation that goes beyond the hype and focuses on the true bottom-line benefits of social media.

For those who criticize those skeptics: patience.

For the northeast Indiana social media community: some respect from the city of Fort Wayne, which hired a Chicago firm as a consultant to guide its social media strategy.

For the city of Fort Wayne: an introduction to northeast Indiana’s communication, marketing and social media strategy community.

For Foursquare: the ability to compete with Facebook Places.

For Foursquare, Gowalla and Facebook Places users: a really good home security system.

For Twitter: a new name and terminology, so 40-something males like me don’t have embarrass ourselves by talking about “tweeting.”

For YouTube: more news bloopers, funny home videos and talking animals.

For YouTube users: fewer aspiring Fred Figglehorns; more TED Talks.

For Flickr: a vowl.

For blogs: the respect they deserve.

For bloggers: an editor.

For niche social media sites: the discipline to stay focused on their audiences’ unique needs.

For myself and everyone else: real-world conversations around the holiday dinner table that inspire us to ignore our social media lives, if only for an hour.

And so now I declare
Before the season ends
Happy holidays to you
And lots of “likes,” tweets and friends.

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